


Shell

by Lady Lecter (RoNask)



Category: Hannibal Lecter Tetralogy - Thomas Harris
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-05-02 09:27:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14541708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoNask/pseuds/Lady%20Lecter
Summary: Clarice is familiar with an exquisite type of loneliness she could appreciate very much.





	Shell

Nothing. Nothing was all she felt when she looked inside the casket.  
There were no tears to be cried just yet, no screams ready to resonate. There was a shoe to drop, though, but she knew deep inside she would have to wait for it.  
Meanwhile, her fist closed around the fabric of the black coat her mother saved for special occasions.  
She would never wear it again. Ever.

 

 

There is a type of loneliness similar to the one that one feels while standing in a crowded room and still feeling alone.  
It’s something that seems to make a black hole in your chest, it doesn’t hurt and it can feel as empowering under the right light.  
Observing the children at the orphanage play she could feel it.  
The feeling, the notion that existence is a lonely thing. We live and we die alone, there is no real need for anyone else. The kind of notion that makes you aware that you could survive a desert island on your own, not for survival skills but for the capacity to be comfortable in your own company and in the lacking of someone else’s.  
It can be comforting sometimes. It had been on the orphanage days. A lot.

 

 

The thing is, when you get used to being on your own, you are surprised by people who seem to really see you.  
She had been seen before, but this time she doesn’t recognize the feeling, there is something else. Something that makes her mind race as much as she feels like being careful as if walking into the territory of a lion and hoping to pass by unnoticed.  
Once again, she caught herself waiting for a shoe to drop, even though she didn’t know why.  
Under the intense stare of his eyes - eyes of such strange color - she wondered what sound it’ll do when it fell. It wasn’t an ‘if’, it was a ‘when’. It was coming, probably faster than she would have liked, though she didn’t think she would ever be prepared.  
She could hear the blood running, her ears buzzing as she faced the plexiglass.

 

 

The sense of invisibility that comes with the feeling was clear on the walls of her side of the duplex, she found that out when she reached for her certificate to use as a warrant.  
Her mind was given no permission to roam on the subject, there was a lot to be done. Yet, while driving and planning, a thought crossed her mind and she questioned if she wasn’t doing it all for her own selfish reasons if that buzzing hadn’t meant something, something she craved to feel again. Not the anxiety but the other thing.

 

 

It feels like taking a peek of the world, as if she had been inhabiting this shell and only now daring to check and see what was it that lived on the world outside her protective walls.  
For once, the light he was shining into the shell didn’t seem that it would burn her, she wasn’t afraid of it anymore, there was no anxiety present.  
Hannibal stood at the end of the stairs, observing her with his hands behind his back, a knowing glance on his eyes and a small smile on his lips, looking as if he knew what she was thinking about, what he had done.  
It occurred to Clarice that the man himself might have been hiding inside his own personal invisibility shell, living on his own with little need to anyone else.  
The strangest part and the most pleasing one to was to know that this wasn’t irrational nor hopeless. As she made her way downstairs, she knew they were both their own people, independent and yet willing - for one of the few times - to come out of hiding, drop the invisibility cloak. It felt healthier than anything else.  
She took his hand and watched as he kissed the back of it, small smiles on both their faces, an exchange of knowing looks. Clarice accepted his arm when he offered and they walked side by side most of the night, not completing but making a combination that felt immensely delightful, felt like completing a collection.  
As much as she could live and appreciate the inside of the shell, the invisibility, it was really good to be seen again.


End file.
